=)

Isn't it funny how life works.. It just throws everything back at you... Sometimes its ugly and beautiful at the same time. My life is ugly, beautiful, hard, easy, all at the same time.. its so fulfilling..

And i pray for those who cannot see life in that beautiful light, who keeps on counting money and chasing for it, for those who cannot differentiate between urgent and important, and those who don't know how to smell the dew in the wee hours.... that you will learn how to, someday..  =)

The everyone's life.

I know that everyone goes through this.. the planned life.

You go to school and college, and university  and then you get a job, then you find the great job, and the perfect boyfriend, and then you get engaged and then your whole life turns around, then you re-valuate yourself. if you succeed in finding yourself, you will not get married.. if you're in denial you get married anyway..

then you buy your first house, and car. and get pregnant. have kids, become mad because of your kids, then attend your children's wedding, carry your first grandchild.. then die.

I call this the super planned life. If i could have the guts.. i throw all these away and just live life the way i want it to be. I could, i would... but i cannot because i live in a world where everybody is living a planned life. And i am so... *rolls eyes* fed up of explaining myself...  maybe i am not like everyone.. and my plans are of course going to be different.. but it doesn't mean that i wouldn't get across to the other side...

I wished i had the guts, and its ok if i don't have the money.. maybe i could sell my kidney, or sell blood.. or you know.. work as a dish washer... or sweep floors.. or be a nanny ( =D love kids)
you know.. do things that no one will ever think its glamorous. i would love to be the understated person.... and live a beautiful interesting life.. rather than cursing my boss all day,everyday.. hahhahaahhaha.... or you know... curse the buses, or the stuck coffee machine...  =) i am made for greater things.... not exactly how the world would see it..

XX vs XY

Guys love their boyfriends.
Girls hate their girlfriends.
Thank God i have more guy friends.

In depth or shallow..

Have you ever spoken to people and realize that they have no ......... thinking skills or brains? Whatever they say just doesn't make any sense to you and they are just so shallow..

I always wished and hoped for friends who can speak and hold great conversations.. I guess i have to keep on looking for these people. So far.. i only have less than 5 people.

Unfortunately, there're many people in this world who cannot think critically and creatively.

Honestly, it disturbs the shit out of me.. 

Today, after a long long time, i manage to catch my long time friend online so i decided to chat with her.. and so i asked if she was doing well and bla bla bla.. good enough, she is doing well....

I shall not type out the details of our conversation, but this particular friend of mine, we had the same mentality back then in school. We could click and we're 95% of the time, our wave lengths are of the same box. But today, and many other occasions, she has expressed many of her personal opinions, which i found to be irrelevant to me. 

I feel that her mentality .... is just too hurting for me to go on talking to her.. I was kinda hurt by the opinions she expressed.. She comment that people without certs can't make money, and you can't have anything without money.. and i asked her if the guy she was going to marry was the one? she replied something like... " I am too lazy to find others ,and there's no one else"... and she added that she's not strong like me.. So i thought in my head... that is the most interesting reply i have ever heard of.

So... i thought to myself.. is this how people think? you just settle for whatever is within your reach and capacity? And i was particularly hurt by the fact she was so blinded by benjamins... *she earns quite a lot for a fresh grad and has recently bought a car, and traveled a few places* 

Honestly, i am quite sure i am far more less money than she has but i am grateful for everything is given to me. And i wished i could knock some sense into her, but i can't. i Failed at it.. horribly.

And i personally believe if i had the exact same conversation with another person or a younger girl.. i guess that i will be getting better, more satisfying answers.. Maybe its just her.

My parents are no grads,but i have almost the same opportunity as most people. I might not have a fat bank acct, but i can certain appreciate more things in life other than money. I most certainly have everything money cannot buy. =)

Tireddd

Hello.... i have been so busy foe the past few weeks.. test and i had a little weekend back in my hometown and my parents came up to see me... and BAM.. its end of the month..

And December is coming.. i love decembers, but it always ends too quickly. Time to get people presents and its the time i grow fat.. hahhahaha... for obvious reasons.. Its also the month i get to see everyone back home and cook for them a little .. and bake a little for them.. Owwhh i can't wait.

So if you follow my blogs, you would know that i am battling insomnia.. nowadays, i am sleeping all the time, so exhausted. i guess the exhaustion caught up, and finally i am being able to rest...  but i am so exhausted its so disturbing, i can't do anything much.. Now i am down with some severe backache.. i dunno why.. and my head hurts most of the time.. sleeping too much ehh? hhahahaha

Hilarious!!!! =D

A glimpse of the frustration we go through... Check it out!!!

Deep fried.

I had a long tiring day... i woke up late... but surprisingly i managed to wash my hair and still get to the 

bus stop in time for the bus. Lecture was boring, i was literally nodding away. I tried not to, but oh boy..

I am exhausted ( still having sleepless nights). And i had an hours' break, so i went to the library.

Nothing caught my eyes so i just picked up the newspaper.. and i came across this article about insomnia, written by a freelance writer. I always loved her articles, always witty and funny.

Well, apparently i have chronic insomnia... hahaha 

Causes of chronic insomnia include:

• Depression and/or anxiety.
• Chronic stress.
• Pain or discomfort at night.

Symptoms of Insomnia

Symptoms of insomnia can include:

• Sleepiness during the day.
• General tiredness.
• Irritability.
• Problems with concentration or memory.

Diagnosing Insomnia

If you think you have insomnia, talk to your health care provider. An evaluation may include a physical exam, a medical history, and a sleep history. You may be asked to keep a sleep diary for a week or two, keeping track of your sleep patterns and how you feel during the day. Your health care provider may want to interview your bed partner about the quantity and quality of your sleep. In some cases, you may be referred to a sleep center for special tests.

Treatment for Insomnia

Acute insomnia may not require treatment. Mild insomnia often can be prevented or cured by practicing good sleep habits (see below). If your insomnia makes it hard for you to function during the day because you are sleepy and tired, your health care provider may prescribe sleeping pills for a limited time. Rapid onset, short-acting drugs can help you avoid effects such as drowsiness the following day. Avoid using over-the-counter sleeping pills for insomnia since they may have undesired side effects and tend to lose their effectiveness over time.

Treatment for chronic insomnia includes first treating any underlying conditions or health problems that are causing the insomnia. If insomnia continues, your health care provider may suggest behavioral therapy. Behavioral approaches help you to change behaviors that may worsen insomnia and to learn new behaviors to promote sleep. Techniques such as relaxation exercises, sleep restriction therapy, and reconditioning may be useful.

What- so i am depressed? I have anxiety? Chronic stress? No way.. Hahaha, i am quite certain i have non of these, maybe just a little heart issues.. But it will go away soon, i will make it go away. I hate being on sleeping pills, because 8 hours is never enough.. it makes me groggy the next day..

After reading that article, i left for my tutorial class... i totally forgot that we're having replacement class today.. So Today i will be have a 4.5 hours tutorial class.. Man... My brains were going to get deep fried...

But no.. the class turned out ok.. but she was the most long winded tutor i have ever met.. she repeated the answer 3 times for every question.. I'm like " OK, WE GET YOU ". My brains are still functioning perfectly well, but something got fried. My KNEES GOT FRIED. LIKE GOT FRIED AT 1000 DEGREES WITHOUT OIL.

Man, that class was freezing cold.. and after 4.5 hours... my knees hurt really bad. I wanted to cry. Not again!!!!.... It hurt so much i just went home and just lay down on my bed for hours.. Not to mention, i was trying to sleep.

Maybe that article was right, and maybe i do have something that is really bugging me- but what? I would like to know to. Is there something in there, heart- are you ok? The article mentioned that we have to let go and forgive ourselves and bla bla bla.... aaahhhh. Maybe i am so distracted by the fact i am already picturing myself in that holiday destination.. green fields, blue skies, beautiful people and just me. I swear thats the only think i have been thinking about. Every time i close my eyes, its just there...Anyways,I think i really need some medical help regarding my knees.. i will make an appointment this weekend. Maybe my knee is causing all my depression... because i can't run or do anything normal....

After that i met up with sis, watched a movie.. " Life as we know it" starring Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel- not too bad-funny and i kinda like it.. its a movie you can relate to life. =)


How was your day? Great?

Insomnia.

I can't sleep, and when i don't get my rest.

I can't do anything right.