Why Don't You?

 Buy 

yourself 
beautiful

flowers.

=)

SMILES FOR YOU!!!! =)

Hey what's up, paper was this morning, i could answer the whole paper..
So... unlike me -_- hahhahahah... i am so afraid something goes wrong.

Sooo tired, i haven't been running for days, hopefully i can make time to fun, sometimes its not only the time, when i am free, my body and mind is not ready for running. And i would run, haphazardly.... Urgh!
My body is tired. Mentally exhausted for the day already. Exams are always mentally exhausting, i mean so much physical, emotional and stuffs you go through to prepare for one paper...

I wanna run because i have to stay in shape, for my up coming holiday!!! =D
Thousand smiles for u. *happy face* . Anyways Sephora opened today and i am so tempted to go, but i am so exhausted... and i am wanna get ready for my next paper.. so yea!!!

What is the longest amount of time you have stay in your room?
I just realized i have been in my room for about 4 days straight, i mean, just at home.
Today when i saw the sunlight.. i was like "WOAH" . hhahahhaha....

Rambling rambling rambling.

Anyways, this beautiful song was my best friend for a couple of days,

classical seems so comforting during exam periods.

Love this movement. Intense!!

What we learn in class

 1+1

Homework:

-55x+2.5y

Test: 

9048240x^2(3454x+84) + 8343x(x - 454)(354 -x)

Finals:

Find X when:

 98372 xy  where  is 9.45

Let the count down begin...

*stress level : 120%*

I am re-reading my notes, so it all goes inside my head. All th facts, and causes, and forces..
10 Minutes into it, all i'm seeing is black lines.....
I read, and re-read, and re-read again the same line.
Nothing goes in, all is going up is my frustration meter, and my head is going bonkers.

Hahaha... so guess what. I'm painting my nails, and typing with newly painted nails is not easy!!
After this, i am sooooo switching from words to numbers.
I hate having back to back papers, makes me so guilty when i am studying for one paper
and not the other.

How was your Tuesday? As boring as mine? Have a great day ahead peeps!!

Oh my love...

*Pls take note: stress level 90%*

I am so stressed i can't breathe. So i here i am, blogging and listening to music.

Did you know, i play the piano, Used to. hahaha..

Now i am away from home, can't really play much.

I love love love love love love love classical music.

Mostly from the romantic era, Tchaikovsky is my first husband, follow by Chopin.

And then we have Brahms and yada yada yada.....

And everything i here this piano concerto played by music prodigal Evgeny Kissin, conducted by the infamous 

Herbert von Karajan. It is so beautiful, intense and consuming- i would cry. You should try listening to him, he is a genius. Humming songs at 1,playing in orchestras at such a tender as of 10.

And this beautiful waltz by Brahms, also played by Evgeny Kissin

Oh My.....

2 AM.

i'm so high i can fly.
hahahhahhah

It's 2 am and ... bond pricing, rating, valuation and concepts and bruno mars are all mixed up in my head.

I'm just taking a break from all the boring boring pages, i mean the facts are all interesting.
I honestly think the best part of my course is about the financial market. But the narrating skills....
Gosh, it's like my grand-dad talking to me.

I have something happy to tell you all. I am going to my friend's engagement party next month.
Both the girl and guy are my friends, and they have been dating for 10 years. since, 16!!!
And i am so excited, and i am so happy for them!!! Awwwww.....

When he proposed to her, she was so shocked and she starting crying!!!
I wasn't there, but there's a video, but i can't find it now. haha.

I'm sucker for all these lovey dovey stuffs!!! =D
Okies, back to text book!!! Good night people!!

Dreams and Reality.

Hello!!! how are you been? Its MONDAY. 3 days away from my paper.

I just had a moment of, you know. A scene, where i have dreamt of months ago, and it just flashed before my eyes. I know its a dream because its definitely not deja vu.
I normally write down my dreams into my diary. Because i have this thing, i always dream about things sometimes 6-12 months before it really happens before my eyes.

However, its not like a dream where i can change the world. Its normally just a fragment of what i am doing.. in my daily life. Like where am i at what time, and what am i wearing and who is with me.
Isn't it weird.

How come i don't dream of answering questions in the finals.
Sometimes my photographic memory works like wonders. =D

Anyways, have a pleasant Monday ok!! 

Why Don't You?

Why don't you be 

the change the world

 wants to see.

We all want to receive. 

Why not give instead.

Having a moment.

Exams are nearing.... I'm currently preparing for my portfolio papers, which somehow has about 987923427119837498932 pages to be read. I hope i will survive this. After so long of doing numbers all day everyday for 3 years, i somehow cannot seem to fathom words easily as before anymore. Sadness redefined. I used to write beautiful essays, and my essays were published in my school book every year. ( It was kinda hard to get your essay to be published ) anyways, it was centuries ago.

I am so stress, i wished i could unwind really quickly. But here's what i learnt. All those stress built up in all those hours, cannot go away in 5 minutes of concentrated breathing. So i did yoga. Helped alot. I was kinda sick of reading, i know because, i am reading.. and re-reading the same thing,
but i cannot understand any single thing of it. In a limbo.

So i decided to go through my dresses and accessories, remembering that I once, had a life.I once wore accessories.( I still do) but you know, the glamorous ones, the beautiful ones,the ones you keep for that special day. I realized that being in uni, that special day will never come unless you're done with uni...

That's beside the point, so i was going through my necklaces and i found THE ONE necklace,that my mom bought for me when i was 14. I still remember how i bugged her to buy it for me. It cost 40 bucks, not very cheap for a necklace, for a girl my age, in that century. And i cherished it. Because don't have many necklaces through out my teenage years, and it was the most beautiful necklace in my jewelery box.  And i will never wear it, because i am afraidit would break or get lost or something, (*still waiting for that special occasion*)

And yeah, i had a moment, my mom. And i will work hard to buy her things that she loves too.One day, i will buy her something that she really wanted and could never have. (Of course my dad too). And now i remember why i wanted to be an actuary. To Make lots of money, and give my parents the privilege to stop worrying and making money for once. To have the privilege to send them for holidays, and present them with beautiful gifts, and help them pay their car loan once in a way.

Then for once we don't have to push who's going to pay the bill.Thanks mom and dad. I owe you both so much. And i will never forget what you both,as parents do for me, easier said than done, but i will try my best.

That reminds me why i have to read the remaining 987923427119837498932 pages, and do well in uni no matter how terrible it is.

And i will take time, to thank Jesus for coming, to die for me.
Tomorrow's Easter, the day Jesus is resurrected and gone to heaven to
be seated at the right hand of God.
I love you too God, for always being there for me, loving me unconditionally,
forgiving me my mistakes and all my sins, and still love me after that.
Happy Easter peeps!!!  

Shift left, shift right. (Stress 2)

What it takes for a person to change?

paradigmatic shift?.

I totally need that.
I feel a burning desire to do all these..

Start re-doing yoga (hurts like mad after centuries of not doing it)
Run 5 clicks a day...
Buy myself a new closet of clothes.
Have more time to bake and cook.
Paint more.
Watch more movies.
Shop more.
Eat more.

and be merry.

But all i have to do now is just study...
sadness redefined.

But...

I just made the most delicious chocolate pudding ever. =D

Ohhh Yea...

I know this feeling.
It seems to be very familiar.

Wait a minute......

S

T

R

E

S

S

!!!

Why Don't You?

Take a long bath.....

Ohh Laa Laa

I just remembered that i promised to post pictures of my friends!!! Here you gooooooooo...

Easy for us to say we love, 

difficult for us to show it everyday.

Was is good for you too?

Good Friday is fast approaching, some how its was like a million years away for me at the beginning of the challenge. Well, i challenged myself to be "softer".

There are days i failed terribly, sometimes i managed to be what i am challenging myself to be.
I don't have an attitude problem i just feel that i am way too blunt and straight, so i tried to be softer.
It was difficult, very difficult for me to be softer.

I sometimes wonder why i am so "shielded", i have no doubts that i am nice, *i don't bite- maybe sometimes*
i am super nice, so nice people take advantage of that part of me. It takes up my heart. Sometimes makes me feel worthless. So i shield myself. Put a wall between me and you, hence the 'hardness'. It is rare that i show the softer side of me in front of people. Hating to be seen weak, to be sympathized. Some how i see sympathy, sometimes "you deserve it" eyes. I now come with shieldSSSSS.

I have so much love for everyone. So much, i can hug everyone, give away my money, bake you cupcakes and macaroons every other day. Cook you awesome meals, and prepare burgers for you. I can also buy balloons for you and give you a " hope you have a nice day" kiss to everyone.I am so nice i walk the blind home from the train station.. I am so nice i can smile at everyone.I am so soft, i look at beautiful dogs and cry.
I am so soft i thank God for butterflies. And i think for this forty days, God has somehow touched my heart to be that person i was again. And its good because its nice to have someone who is nice and soft, instead of someone who is so busy with life, i don't know how to live and love.

Thank you God for touching my cold cold heart.
How was lent for you??
Good Friday is fast approaching,
He was judged like me,
for me.
Because He loved me.
Loves me.
Whose heart is bigger than his, who loves me at my worst.
Whose arms holds me when i am my weakest.
Whose strength is so great he carries my burden like an speck of dust.
Whose love exceeds beyond everything men can ever provide.
Whose warmth i can feel every night when i cry.
Whose faithfulness reaches the sky even when i forgot about Him.
Whose name i call out to when i am in the deep valley and when the seas are rough.

Defining Moments.

I miss climbing mountains... 

Of friends and smiles.. =)

I've never really talked about my friends, my good friends. 

The end of uni phase is fast approaching. This is it, i won't be seeing them everyday.

I will miss them terribly. Most of my friends are guy, except for one girl, the sweetest girl i have ever known.

Me and my friends, we are worlds apart. I am so ... leaning toward the western side, in terms of thoughts, my character, way of carrying myself, dressing, and in terms of culture. They are more hard core Chinese. And everyday our opinions, and wants and needs clashes, but it had been a tremendous beautiful time, besides the fact that my whole university is just a - blank-. 

So many smiles, so much breathless laughters, so much hardcore laughing we get stomach cramps.

So many frustrated times when we cannot get formulas, and theories, all exchanged for encouragements and food therapies. Movies and desserts always come after test, exams, and even when one of us gets an F.

So different, worlds apart, but i would say that, these are the friends, whom are worth keeping.

( If you follow my blogs, i have blogged about a few bad friends ).

In my whole journey, i have never felt any difference between a man and woman. We are all very equal.

I have never been put down, nor have i been judged. I have never came across a rude remark or comment from these guys. Its so pleasant i want to cringe just at the thought that i might not be seeing them as often.

There's no competition amongst us. Even the rich and poor are same.

How beautiful is that. It's pure friendship. 

I will post some pictures soon!!

Singing and acting.

Bet you didn't know i am a suckers for musicals!! I am.
So i am rewatching The Phantom of the Opera because i'm feeling all lovey dovey and romantic....
By the way, i had my sunday test already. Its was kinda ok, next up are my finals.

So i am watching and there comes a part that is so romantic, when the hero(Raoul) promises her(Christine) no more darkness, only light.


RAOUL
No more talk of darkness,
Forget these wide-eyed fears.
I'm here, nothing can harm you -
my words will warm and calm you.

Let me be your freedom,
let daylight dry -your tears.
I'm here, with you, beside you,
to guard you and to guide you . . .

CHRISTINE
Say you love me every waking moment,
turn my head with talk of summertime . . .

Say you need me with you, now and always . . .
promise me that all you say is true -
that's all I ask of you . . .

RAOUL
Let me be your shelter,
let me be your light.
You're safe:No-one will find you 
your fears are far behind you . . .

CHRISTINE
All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night . . .
and you always beside me
to hold me and to hide me . . .

RAOUL
Then say you'll share with
me one love, one lifetime . . .
Iet me lead you from your solitude . . .

Say you need me with you here, beside you . . .
anywhere you go,
let me go too -
Christine, that's all I ask of you . . .

CHRISTINE
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime . . .
say the word and I will follow you . . .

BOTH
Share each day with me, each
night, each morning . . .

CHRISTINE
Say you love me . . .

RAOUL
You know I do . . .

BOTH
Love me -
that's all I ask
of you . . .

(They kiss)

Anywhere you go
let me go too . . .
Love me -
that's all I ask
of you . .






Makes me feel pain all over. When you find your other half,
is that what they do, they really keep their promises, they really shelter you from darkness and harm and cold night, and you really don't have to fear anything?
They just make you smile all the time? and laughters only.
There's no bad times? then why are happy times projected all the time?
Its bad, it gives me and impression that all relationships are all about love, and warmth, and love, and smiles, and flutters, and butterflies, and unicorns..................................


Really? share with me.. =)


*singings along* 

A little inspiracion!!!

So today, i went for a little grocery shopping because my @*!!&% house mate went to de-froze the fridge without considering that i have food in the freezer!! and it's all bad. Ahh.... continue with the groceries...

I bought a tonnes of stuffs, because F I N A L S are approaching, and cooking is therapeutic, so is eating.
And i made beef burgers today from scratch! Awesome, never going to fast food joints anymore.
Cooking is just so awesome you know!! Your patty can be square but it still taste like heaven.

So over with the cooking and i wanted to share with you a little something that has been bugging me for the whole of last week. Yes, yes in the midst of having tests and assignments, i still have to time to listen to my friend's worries. He told me that his partner is so insensitive to his feelings, and he sometimes don't know if he is being over-sensitive or is his partner just plain insensitive.

Now,I have heard about this worry from this particular friend a few times now. So i told him, not to worry and just sleep on it. So he would feel better tomorrow.

Truth is, there is no feeling better when your partner is a insensitive person. How do you actually tell a person to be sensitive. It is a trait you cannot work on, maybe you can. Very difficult.
When a person cares for you, he will be sensitive right? Yes.
When he loves you, he cares about what you feel, and how you react, and he wants to take care
of your heart right?

Full stop.

Or maybe he doesn't take the effort anymore. Too comfortable?

How do i tell my friend this? Maybe i'll just make him a burger too!!

=)

Dry Spell.

Dry spell period. I don't know what to write. Hmm.. i do know what to write but i have been pretty busy lately with test and quiz and assignments. *2nd wave* and pretty soon i will be having my finals.. in approximately 12 days to be exact.. I seriously have to start studying everything.

So much has happened during my absence. I have gone a little off when i had 3 test in 4 days.....
And there's the part of me wanting something new.. like a new hair style... maybe bangs? or shorted hair...
And recently, when i am stressed up to dunno where, i just go online shopping... *totally addictive*
and you just keep adding thing to the bag!!!!!! But nothing beats real shopping, but back here, we don't have many things compared to what the internet can offer..

And there's the part..... I have been rather sickly lately.. almost 3 weeks now... And i haven't been to the gym for 3 weeks, i feel horrible. Like i feel so tired all the time... =|
And on top of that, i will be going for a short vacation with my friends from uni.. so i really have to get back into shape.. 5 clicks and yoga everyday!!!!!

=)  How did the past few days treated you? Hope you are doing fine!!!
Do have a wonderful weekend!!

I have a test on Sunday..............................................  so there goes my weekend. 

Absurd!!

If i could just get this beautiful bag,

i am willing to fail all my test in

exchange for it.

*Swooningggggggg*

Happy Monday Blues!! =D

Panic Attack.

I woke up feeling miserable, like a lost child.
the world seems to be turning around all too fast.

Then i felt that i couldn't breathe.
I sat for a moment trying to breathe, just trying to breathe.

When i manage to ease the tightness in my chest..
I thought, what is going on?

Then i took a cold cold shower,
to freeze my brains.

I'm having a panic attack, and its not nice at all.
Wanna know why?
Finals are 3 weeks from now.

i'll just shout a little.
argh!

Could i have done it too???

At my age...... 40% of my friends are married and are parents already.
I am super younggggggg ooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkk, girls are getting married way way too early nowadays.
What's all those talk about the lowering rate of marriages or ladies are getting hitched later?? Total Bullshit.

Well i guess i am one of those, projecting those numbers and statistics. I will never marry young. Hell no.
Its like death. Imagine you have to feed your wailing child every 2 hours? and how sore your nipples are going to get... now.. imagine i am painting a picture, and all these inspiration is up in my head, and its flowing out...... but i have to cook dinner for my kids. And i need to spend a few hours at the grocery store thinking about what to buy, i can't afford to bring my kids to the toilet and listen to them screeching.

I wonder how my friends do it?

I love kids, sometimes i hear my biological clock ticking. BUT.
I am young and vibrant and i am YOUNG again. There's so much time to do all those stuff.
Youth- comes only once. And poof!! its gone.

I wanna see the world, and ride through the amazon, climb mountains, go fishing in the sea, count the stars at night, and enjoy the sparkling blue seas. Of course, i wanna read my masters pretty soon, maybe in New York and savor life outside my shell. I wanna paint, and dance, and cook and eat and enjoy myself.I have even seen the world!!!
Get what i mean, its a commitment and its a life long one, so why are all my friends readily giving up their lives? * Just in my opinion *

Maybe they have gotten all the satisfaction and happiness in life? They are ready?
If i was 24 and had a child, i would be crying everyday. I truly wish them the best, help me to understand why. But at the same time, its so much strength and courage, at this age. I could never have done it.
I guess people have different timing.

I lurve kids, and can't wait to have them, so when they are here. They will be getting my full attention.
Of course i can't wait to kiss, cuddle, sing a lullaby, or wake up at 4 am for the feedings.
In the mean time, its me time. Its me time to learn as much as possible, to experience and savor.... =)

Kudos to all of you strong, capable, working mums!!! I salute you!!!

Things look beautiful from afar, you see the bigger picture.
From 2 inches away, I can't see any picture, its complicated and scary.
I'm worried. Teach me how to look from afar.