Golden Monday.

Blues never even made it through the window today. I had a paper earlier in the morning, it was (g**d) {i have to refrain from talking about it. Know more about it here. }, but i almost didn't have enough time.. so much to be done and drawn in that tiny interval of 2 hours.

Anyways, i am feeling awesome today ( Aha... wait till tomorrow, the paper is going to be a killa - just know it).So whats up peeps? I had no internet line for 2 days, i think it's because of the massive rainy weather... I think God secretly made it that way so i could study and not check on my mail, or rant away on my blog page.. hahaha.

Today i feel rejuvenated although i am really, really exhausted from all the mugging. I feel relieved and i feel ready to take on my next chapter of life. Well, it took me long enough to know that i have out-grown the people around me, sometimes i just feel a little dump to lower myself down so that i can accommodate to their level of maturity, thoughts and emotions. So i gave myself an ultimatum, it is either that i climb up or remain stagnant - so i could feel safe.

Yeah, there you go, i said it. I want to feel safe, in my circle and i didn't want to step outside my comfort zone, because stepping outside will mean that i have to start all over again, from the scratch - and i am scared.
It will mean that i will be alone, having no one to laugh with me at my lame jokes, no one to share my cheesecake with, nobody to flaunt my newly bought dress or my super high heels to, and no one to be a baby with when i am down with a flu, no one to share my sadness and most importantly, my happiness and the abundance love i have in me.

I was so overwhelmed with emotions - like as if a ball is stuck at my throat,choking me. I realized that i have to find my own happiness.So I dug up my courage and choose to move on, well i need a whole lot of strength to overcome this hurdle, it won't be easy i know and i will need heaps of encouragement and love from those who love me, and of course from God. Today, i will value myself enough to let go of the feelings that are holding me back from becoming who i might have been and proceed forward with courage.

Isn't life all about reconstruction? I am fixing myself, piece by piece.
And i am so glad, because i know one day i will look back and will be thankful and grateful that i choose to evolve and grow.

"When I let go of what I am,

I become what I might be.

When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need."

-The Tao Te Ching

Mr. Brown sends his unconditional love:

My fur ball.

May you all have a lovely,lovely Monday. Sadness is all around but happiness is just ahead of me.
Wish me luck for tomorrow.

Grey Day and Grey Night..

I wonder how long will i be stuck with this feeling, feeling low, useless and lost. I am constantly battling with myself internally.I try, try and try and try, but why does it seem that people don't give even two cents about it?

Then i fall into a spiral of emotions, thoughts and questions in my head. Wondered if my actions were wrong?
Then i start to feel sorry for myself, and slowly realize that there is no one in this world that i can count on, or expect anything kind in return except God.

Then i wished the people who hurt me, would just go away, and stop adding salt to my wound. When they apologize ( if they do). All i do is want to condemn them, because it hurts so much, so painful - it just sends me to a place there i can see no one, no light, sometimes i feel that place is Godless too. But something inside me tells me, be kind - always be kind. Be the kindness you want to see.

I'm struggling with this, " be the kindness you want to see " , is very difficult for me. I think the people i am surrounded by are not so nice, and i should surround myself with only loving and nice people.
If that is true, then who challenges me? That would be no one.

Today is a very slow day, i wished i could get some tender loving care from loved ones, but they all seem so far away, so spaced out.. this is when i have to stand and keep walking. Even though i can't picture God, i will try very hard, to picture Him walking with me, or even better, carrying me.

I have a presentation tomorrow, and all i am doing is just dazing and self-soothing.
Have a lovely weekend you guys!!! =)

the truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.


My year was fulfilling. How was yours? Happy New Year to you!!

People who say they don't expect anything expects more than everything.

They expect you to love them unconditionally, understand them, take care of their feelings, make them feel special.

But they never do the same for you. Wonder why. I am the one who has to understand, has to love them unconditionally along with all the hurt they caused. And they never fail to make me feel special- like rubbish. 

Then i asked myself again. Why am i making this person a priority when i am just an option to them?

My choice, i choose that option. I let people treat me that way............

ahahahahah.... new year's resolution to be stronger and don't expect anything. don't give everything.

But the Lord said, love each other, love your enemies. Bestow grace upon those who doesn't have my grace and love. So, is my feelings important, or am i to love those who even hurt me.