Ranting post.

You know.. yesterday i had the worst melt down ever.. the worst of the worst. I yelled, and then i cried and then i ran like a mad man. I'm sure there were parts where i cried and ran at the same time. Not very good for the heart - i was gasping for air.

I just can't stand all the things and people around me. Its so unnecessary, and a waste of time. It's a joke... seriously a big big joke. People just make things difficult and hard and confusing. It is all very easy. Very very easy.

Sometimes i think i care too much.. look at those around me who are selfish. I bet they get around life just fine - just them themselves and their needs. My sister said that her friend, who went for therapy, said that you should be selfish, because once you think of other people's needs, there's where the problem starts -----> WHAT DID I JUST WRITE DOWN?

Honestly, yesterday i just wanted to break all the glasses by throwing them on the floor, i'm sure the act itself would have granted me some satisfaction. I wanted to overturn all the tables, and break everything that i could possibly reach for. I was feeling so frustrated,angry, and i would use the world fed up. Why is everyone so selfish? Why can't i be selfish too? I want to be selfish too.... but i know it will just feel so unnatural if i do.

It hurts to be nice and selfless sometimes. But i'll be anyway. Because ultimately, its between me and Him. The night ended well- while i was upstairs busy self-soothing. I suddenly heard someone with claws knocking on my door. And the white angel came to rescue me..... with wet kisses and lovely warm hugs.

And P/s if i ever go for therapy sessions and the therapist said something like that to me, i'm taking my money back, and i'll give the therapist a session.

Bad Bad Friday.

My day was so bad today, i hope that the remaining hours will be better..

1)I am totally frustrated with the traffic at my new place. I travel quite a bit, and everyone goes gaga on a Friday, and it was raining. And it was peak hour. I sat in the bus for 1hour and 50 minutes - a journey that normally take about 40 minutes. I deserve a freaking GOLD MEDAL!!!!

2) Today i had a reality check moment. I just realised what my body actually look like after months of not running at 10km/h. It looks like ....... { pls fill in the blanks } . and i can no longer wear figure hugging dresses without tucking in my tummy ( sometimes tucking it in doesn't even work ). Some days i find myself wear skirts only because i can't fit into my pants?

Maybe this can help you understand...

 I used to climb mountains for goodness sake.

This is the highest peak i can take, to be reminded how all the chocolate squares have contributed to what i am today...

Tomorrow will be a better day, hopefully i will start exercising like a crazy person and get to lose some weight before Christmas, because i will DEFINITELY put on weight for that occasion. Damn It.

High Strung.

Help!!!!!!!!!

Why does everyone seem a little more dumb when i am having a bad day!!!!!! :(

Its the holidays and i have more things to do, for everyone.

And there's renovating work all over my neighborhood. So noisy and the drilling...

Pls take me away to an island, with not so scorching sun. The sun has been wicked lately.

Bad bad day!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day in day out

Just a couple of weeks ago, one of my random friend, decided that bringing up a particular subject when we we're chilling out.

*topic was- Me, Vanessa is super emotional, and ALL my post on my facebook are emotional. *

I felt very uncomfortable when he said something like that, so i didn't bother to say anything back. After the attempt to embarrass me. He continued to be a jackass which he always was. So nearing the end of the night, he sarcastically said, " You looked pissed, why don't you just chill? "

" Fuck off jackass " i hissed.

And he made a face, like an irritating face, and he said, " Omg, this is the moment i am suppose to feel hurt but guess what, i am not- at all." He looked satisfied, as if he accomplished his mission- which is to irritate the shit out of me. { This particular friend, is nice, has a good heart, but he's currently 26-never had a girlfriend in his life, a total dick-head}.

So i went home angry with him, angry at the other friends who didn't say anything *maybe they think the same too* and most of all, angry with myself because

1) I know its not true.
2) Why do i even bother?
3) Even if ALL my post were emotional. Why is it his problem?

So i went to sleep and totally forgot about it... until...
I met another friend on my way out to the mall, we exchanged a few words and he asked if i was free to hangout, i politely decline because i'm currently in my mid semester and i don't have much time to hangout.

" Why do you always seem to have test? " he asked.


" I just do, its not something i can control you know " I replied.

" Well, its all OK, when you come out to work next time, employers won't look at how well you do in university, its the cert that matters only. And try not to get to emotional over it, your facebook shout-outs are emotional, especially when it comes to your studies" He said.

*Blood boils to the core* But i politely excused myself from him and headed to the mall.

WTF?

Why is so bloody hard for people to understand that i have test ALL the time. I am ranting because I have the right to do so. Even if i am ranting about MY LIFE, why is that they seem so distraught about it? And i feel so angry because he, is an engineer, and i am an actuary to be. Why does he thinks he is fit to give me advice about something he doesn't even know about, even 5%.
I have quizzes every week OK, and i don't have time to slack. And this semester, i have to freaking read 25 journals, and wall street stuffs- i find all these figures are too heavy for me..
I read about prudential assurance the other day, to be interviewed, your CGPA needs to be at least 3.0/4.0.
Enuff said, FML.

The part that puzzles me the most, why is it that i don't have my privacy to rant? Yes the cyber space is wide, and transparent...... so? It's my bloody wall.. Dudeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.............
I don't get to post things i wanna post, and even if i do. Which part of it hurts others?
And the best part is, i checked back my records. Maybe 20% of my post are emotional, and the rest is normally some random shit which other people can appreciate, i am saying this because if you can get 15 to like your post, trust me, Your post is a shared, common, and very likeable post. RIGHT? Of course.

Look, i don't really care what people post on anywhere, i don't care whether people are emotional or not.*unless you are emotional 365 days a year* Because why? Life is the way it is, everyday has its ups and downs, and i rather be an emotional person compared to having no feelings towards my daily life. So why am i being penalized for identifying my emotions right? And i know for sure, if you feel down today, or tomorrow, surely someday you feel like there's so much happiness and gladness that you can explode.

Is it really me, or is that they just have to comment on other people's life. Or they just need to have a say.. Why should i even bother about what these people say about me and to me, when all i see them is annually. It's either me or them, it's either i'm being a total bitch or they are just insensitive jackass.
Maybe a little bit of both. hahaha

Let it go.