Why Don't You

 

Have that difficult 

conversation 

already?

1,24, 96 hours.

A big portion of me love writing. Well, I'm a very emotional person - although I don't show that on the outside sometimes, but if you can see the insides of me. It would be a chaos of thoughts and emotions. How do I convey it to the mass market is another art all together.

Sometimes I feel that no one is reading my blog, feels like i'm talking to a wall - which is good. Other times I feel awesome as well, when I know there are signs of people reading. Which is good also.

So, this post is not one of those hopeful and happy post. Why. Life happened.

Today, I was totally defeated.  The competitor? Myself. 

I was totally un-glued. I was all over the place.

Already exhausted with the the amount of workload September has to offer. On top of that, being bullied at work - not fun at all.  Further more, I woke up with a earth-shattering headache. And of all days, Wednesday decided to test my patience today.

Before 9am - Today I'm cool. I'm so cool I'm the epitome of coolness.

9;15 am      - My coolness turned cold. And I was fuelled.

Angry, frustrated and lusting to harm someone. I just wanted someone to feel the same pain and frustration. 

So …

While on the way to work.. in a cab ( I hailed 6 cabs and they refused to fetch me to my desired destination because… hello… traffic jam) . Imagine the mounted frustration. And so I decided to get a cab to the train station instead.

There in the cab. I started sobbing. Uncontrollably.

Like a baby.

Crying crying crying. Tears tears tears. Mucus mucus mucus. 

And the poor taxi driver just looked with much needed empathy and handed me tissues. 

And despite already going through a very rough morning. So I wanted to call someone to bitch about my bad day. Guess what. My mind decided that it was the perfect time to deal with THIS ISSUE - that I have NO ONE TO CALL to bitch about my life.

Can you believe my brains? Its too clever. 

So I called my mom. My MOM. I don't actually tell her my emotions. because I'm a private person. Actually there's only a handful of people I feel safe enough to talk about my emotions.

So my mom , is being a mom. And I'm glad she just told me to breathe. An action I forget to do from time to time.

Did I mentioned I cried all the way to work too. In the train as well. Poor guy sitting beside me. Must have been difficult for him to sit through all the crying.

So bla bla, i reached work 1.5 hours later than I am expected to be. And today is the due date to submit a report to HK headquarters. And my boss still wants to keep changing the content. No. Correction. She directs me to change the content. Again and again.

With my puffy eyes and stuck nose. I'm still all set to work.. Until I get bullied into doing things that are not my responsibilities. Mother of God. Seriously. 

Then, in the noon, a watch conference to attend. So when I went to ask the organiser the whereabouts and time regarding the event. 

SNAP in my face. 

So. basically my already emotion driven mind is now boiling. "Who the hell she think she is, just because she's fucking stressed - she doesn't get to behave badly' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I went back to my cubicle to mend my broken heart and broken mind. 

For the next two hours was reporting doing and I stayed off people for the rest of the day. The best choice I made in days. I'm at my cubicle typing away because my already saturated mind … is not concentrating on the numbers projected in front of me.

The girl apologised for snapping at me. The fighter cock in me wanted to answer back and reason with her. And then I looked at her face. I was out of energy.

What made me feel better - crying I guess. And definitely spotify - today clever spotify automatically played all my favourites. =) 

I finally finished my report. I feel like i need 96 hours a day, for tomorrow and Friday too. 

God bless me, I know You think i'm super good at juggling. But God, sorry .. apparently I haven't graduated from School of Juggling. 

God bless her for snapping at me - at the perfect time.

I hope I finish ALLLLLL my work tomorrow.

I'm going home now.

What the future smells like.

Besides being in love with myself, with what I do, with my loved ones. Things have been rather heavy. New projects, new power, new responsibilities.

I wouldn't say just 'rather' heavy.. its drowning me. But. I'm working doubly hard to surf this big wave coming my direction. Have to admit that with this big pile of work, comes with enormous amount of stress.

This stress will then translate to bad skin, bad sleeping habits, which will result in a higher intake of food, a declination in exercise. I know its bad.. because I have started to swear in traffic jams and all those cars who cuts into my lanes without putting on their signal lights. And I'm getting pissed at the rate of an elevator moves. When I want to make coffee and there's no hot water. When I want to get food and there's like a queue to get free money.

You get it ..

I'm giving myself 1.5 years to grow and learn, so I can emerge to be the person I want to be at the position i want to be taking on, surrounded by loved ones.

I have a goal insight. And it's staring back at me - and it seems closer each time.

What does the future smells like? A lot of hard work, determination and drive.

Makes my heart swell.

1) When he looking for me in a crowded place, and he comes from behind. And my body just simply knows, and turns just in time to greet his.

2) When what my wants are given first preference.

3) When he makes me breakfast or ice cream.

4) When he remembers what I say.

5) When his eyes shines.

Why Don't You

Ignore Everybody Else

&;

Be The Girl 

You Want To be
.

Anti-aging cream please.

Well well well, here I am. 26.

Aside from the fact that I used to have triple the amount of energy 3 years ago.
I feel good. Really good about life.

Where do I go, and what will I see in the next coming year? Curious as ever. The best part is that the future is not known, in other terms, anything can happen. The sky is the limit. This very feeling excites me to the core. It's another adventure.

Every year, on this day I evaluate my adventure. How have I evolved over the past year.

Last's years birthday was still fresh in my memory. I guess I have evolved alot. 21,22,23,24,25. I am definitely a very different person back compared to today. And I'm so glad for the me today. I am more in control, more positive, more aggressive, less rigid, more laid-back and definitely happier.

What I'm looking forward in the coming year. Is to

1) Constantly educate myself.
2) Always always treat people with respect, give them their space and to accept that everyone is different.
3) Pay it forward. With much love.
4) Take care of my health. Exercise. Cook more often. Get enough rest.
5) Always self-examine and learn from mistakes and going beyond it.
     - my thoughts, mannerism, words, work ethics.

And you my readers, please remind time to time about the 5 goals and do not hesitate from asking me if I'm implementing it in my daily life or how am I progressing. Please also remind me to always remain a kid. On how to love conditionally, laugh freely and loudly, and of course to dance to which ever track in playing in my life.

Absolutely amazing birthday. It just gets better every year. :) It's like I cannot wait to get old, to accumulate all these beautiful moments and experience and be the best person I can ever be, with time. It's gonna be a long wayyyy. :) Here's to life!!

So much love; have a pleasant weekend!

Why Don't You

Just
Let
It 
be

&

 Breathe