So uni has already begun... classes are awesome.. I feel great but i don't really feel that great.
See, i have conquered the highest peak in SEA, ran my 10KM run in an hour. I felt high and mighty,
on top of the world, like i could do anything in this world. The adrenaline is wearing off..
I am starting to feel like a regular person again.. like everyday regular... like
Hit the snooze button, take a shower, rush for the bus, take out my pencil,
scribble on my paper what the lecturer just mentioned, come home,
study, msn, facebook, google, blog sleep.
I guess i need something more than this, i need to keep reminding myself there's something
better and bigger, worth living for out there. Struggling. I guess i just have to believe it.
I feel mentally exhausted. Prior to all the awesomeness, i was in a pretty deep shit hole.
I don't know how i crawled out of there but i did!!!. So i am back, feeling like another regular
person... i feel like i have to clean up my mess... and all these emotional stuffs are so hard to deal with.
I can literally hear loud bangs on the wall on my heart saying- "Listen to me, please stop ignoring me".
That very night, i sat in the dark on my bed, i was up the whole night. I didn't know what shit when
through my head, but i knew it was shit. Because the next day i forgot what was it all about.
But today, i know what is it. Its all the emotions i held back, all the hurt, all the disappointments,
all the hurt and pain. I can't cry, i am so numb i can't cry. But i am taking each day at a time.
I can't keep doing this to myself.. I can't keep telling myself that i need a holiday, and run away
from all the mess right here. Even if i could.. where the hell am i going to get the funds to keep travelling..
But i secretly wished i could =). Ooohhhh... sometimes i need something bigger than myself, to
remind myself that whatever i am thinking now, worrying, obsessing, what i am hurting about is ......
definitely absofuckinglutely not worth my time. So, let me marvel at your greatness O God... Its actually there, i just have to open my eyes, and appreciate it.
Baby steps baby steps baby steps baby steps. slowly but surely i will get there.
Maybe i should start planning for my next holiday =)
See, i have conquered the highest peak in SEA, ran my 10KM run in an hour. I felt high and mighty,
on top of the world, like i could do anything in this world. The adrenaline is wearing off..
I am starting to feel like a regular person again.. like everyday regular... like
Hit the snooze button, take a shower, rush for the bus, take out my pencil,
scribble on my paper what the lecturer just mentioned, come home,
study, msn, facebook, google, blog sleep.
I guess i need something more than this, i need to keep reminding myself there's something
better and bigger, worth living for out there. Struggling. I guess i just have to believe it.
I feel mentally exhausted. Prior to all the awesomeness, i was in a pretty deep shit hole.
I don't know how i crawled out of there but i did!!!. So i am back, feeling like another regular
person... i feel like i have to clean up my mess... and all these emotional stuffs are so hard to deal with.
I can literally hear loud bangs on the wall on my heart saying- "Listen to me, please stop ignoring me".
That very night, i sat in the dark on my bed, i was up the whole night. I didn't know what shit when
through my head, but i knew it was shit. Because the next day i forgot what was it all about.
But today, i know what is it. Its all the emotions i held back, all the hurt, all the disappointments,
all the hurt and pain. I can't cry, i am so numb i can't cry. But i am taking each day at a time.
I can't keep doing this to myself.. I can't keep telling myself that i need a holiday, and run away
from all the mess right here. Even if i could.. where the hell am i going to get the funds to keep travelling..
But i secretly wished i could =). Ooohhhh... sometimes i need something bigger than myself, to
remind myself that whatever i am thinking now, worrying, obsessing, what i am hurting about is ......
definitely absofuckinglutely not worth my time. So, let me marvel at your greatness O God... Its actually there, i just have to open my eyes, and appreciate it.
Baby steps baby steps baby steps baby steps. slowly but surely i will get there.
Maybe i should start planning for my next holiday =)
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