the truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.


My year was fulfilling. How was yours? Happy New Year to you!!

when insomnia kicks in. i just feel like a walking zombie.

I'm totally exhausted but i can't sleep.

My muscles start to cramp, my head feels heavy.

My eyes are burning. And i feel faint. 

Please let me get some sleep

People who say they don't expect anything expects more than everything.

They expect you to love them unconditionally, understand them, take care of their feelings, make them feel special.

But they never do the same for you. Wonder why. I am the one who has to understand, has to love them unconditionally along with all the hurt they caused. And they never fail to make me feel special- like rubbish. 

Then i asked myself again. Why am i making this person a priority when i am just an option to them?

My choice, i choose that option. I let people treat me that way............

ahahahahah.... new year's resolution to be stronger and don't expect anything. don't give everything.

But the Lord said, love each other, love your enemies. Bestow grace upon those who doesn't have my grace and love. So, is my feelings important, or am i to love those who even hurt me.

Christmas and The Last Week of the Year.

So Christmas just passed, its was beautiful- like ever other Christmas.
Mom,Rachel and i were busy as ever in the kitchen preparing for 24,25, and 26th of Dec.
And i made cranberry and orange almond pudding... It turned out OK, just a little sour because of the cranberries.

So, Christmas is over. Everyone has been asking me what i got for Christmas. And i didn't receive any presents at all, like every other year. We just don't practice present exchanging at home. Honestly, i don't know how Santa comes into the picture during Christmas when its all about Jesus.

Christmas for me its a time to reflect that Jesus came to earth, humbly, lowly in a the form of man.
To save the world and take away all my sins and everyone's sins. So, i'm rather delighted to go to church
and celebrate Christmas that way. Then just wishing everyone merry Christmas. Its fulfilling to see everyone in church so excited to come and praise God.

So, now its the last week of the year, how are we going to spend it?
I like to ponder about what i did for this whole one year and how i want to spend my next whole year.
I would want to receive it with open arms and with gladness. God knows how good and bad i have been this year. However,  i pray that the Lord makes me wiser, stronger emotionally and mentally.
I pray that whatever obstacle is placed for me, i can overcome it. I pray i learn to be more full of grace,
and learn to love others as they are. I also hope i can change into a better person, learn to be patient, and forgiving and stop expecting so much from others. =)

How are you going to welcome the year?

Have a great new year.

I love sunsets, its beautiful. And i miss these places. Now that i am done with exams (for now)
I miss the beach and everything that's beautiful. Hopefully i get to capture more sunsets this holiday.
=)

Christmas + Weekend = Disaster.

So i had the exam hours ago, its was kinda ok. But i was expecting 100% or at least 90% but there were a few questions that i couldn't do... Yeah, you know.. the ones that you wished and prayed won't appear on the papers will somehow miraculously appear on it- FIRST PAGE FIRST QUESTION.

So, after the paper i wanted to go out to the nearest shopping mall, just to take a walk.
I haven't been out of my apartment for almost 2 weeks... HAH!.
I wanted to go out so much because i just wanted to see something other than the four walls
in my room.. But unfortunately, after the exam i didn't go because the night before i couldn't
sleep at all. Insomnia is bad, totally.

So my eyes were burning and my shoulders weight a thousand tonnes, and i was so hungry
i could eat a cow. So i got some amazing brunch and just wasted a couple of hours.
I was kinda waiting for my tiredness to kick in, but guess what. It doesn't.
So i'm tossing and turning in bed trying to get some rest but i cant even get abit of it,
and my body needs the rest because its going to break down soon.

So after struggling to sleep, i finally pull myself up from the bed and head downtown.
Oh my, i have never seen KLCC so full before in my entire life. I must say, seeing so many people,
and the lights and decorations it made me more excited about Xmas than i already am.
Massive bargains are going on everywhere, but i wasn't excited at all because i really wanted this one dress and its too expensive for me as a student.. so i have to give it a go. Perhaps next time when
i am earning... So i am in this mourning state *for my dress* and all the shops i went into..
nothing looks appealing to me..

After a few shops, i saw this beautiful dress with a 60% deduction. Without hesitation, i became its owner. Haha, my tiredness went away in an instant.. So after that, i wanted to get a bite and i went
to Chilies, nope. its full and so i thought maybe subway-the queue is longer than the escalator..
So i decided to head home, and almost 7 anyways..

Hungry, tired, and happy.. i headed to the train station. To my horror.........
I see millions of people.. queuing up to get tickets. So i was like... " What to do, Xmas drives everyone excited and mad ".. so i stood in line.. About 20 seconds later, this girl, she came to me and stood in front of me.. I am like OK.

So i said to her "Hello, are you queuing here? "
Her : Yes.
Me : I am queuing here, you just cut me.
Her : No i didn't. You let me cut you.
Thinks *WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY?*
Me : It certainly doesn't start here and for your information, look at the queue behind me *pointing to her*
I turn back and saw 8 pair of eyes staring back at me.
Her : I didn't cut queue ok.
Me  : Ok, alright. You didn't and you can this spot.
And she rolls her eyes at me......


So its Christmas, its a time to give and be happy...

At the end of the day, i am still studying for my next paper. And fever is my new best friend.
And sore throat is my soul mate. They finally came to visit me after all those stressful nights and
all those time which i should be sleeping. Non the less, still excited about my new dress and going
home . =)

Today's already the 17th of december.. i have a paper to sit for tomorrow, and all i can think about is
what to wear for christmas and what presents to buy.
What worries more is... what am i going to bake for Christmas Eve's dinner, i made apple pie last year and the year before.. i repeated it because everyone wanted it.
But this year, i was hoping to make some white christmas wedges to give away to the kids at my church and some little fruit cake chocolate pudding for the adults. Maybe i'll make a pudding.. something a little tangy because we're going to have a feast for christmas eve, perfectly roast turkey, mash potatoes, and some other few small dishes. But mom wants me to roast ribs for Christmas day, so i'm wondering what would go with it.. Hmmm...

Wish me luck for tom, and i can't wait to get home and start my baking and cooking.
Its not a wonder i always feel a little heavier on Christmas Day when i struggle to zip up my
dress. ; ) ... Hopefully i will have time to blog and post up some pics !!!

I am soooooo excited =D

the tranquility of trees and nature can offer..

Stressed.

Its 3 am and i am still studying and my brain is fried. And i can feel it creeping up my shoulders.
Stress. Stress. Stress. My neck hurts and my shoulder blades feels heavy.

When i am stressed, i do all kinds of nonsensical stuffs. I would exercise like a mad woman, because it helps me release my stress and it gives me back my clear mind to i can continue studying.
And i either eat alot or don't eat. Both are equally bad. The worst part of stress is that, most of the days, i cannot fall asleep. My mind works all the time, and when i close my eyes, my brain still does all the calculations and i am still *miraculously trying to memorize all my equations. So, even if i get to sleep, i would wake up being more tired than i was before...

However, i also do realize that when i am stress... i become more creative.
Its the time i cook more, i wear more colorful stuffs.. and i draw more. And i do put on more make up,
i guess its also another way of therapy and releasing my stress.

Christmas is coming and i am so excited , however i have to get over next week.
I can't wait to cook for my family and i am so looking forward to spend time with my loved-ones.
So, there you go.. i'm off to my books again. =)

Lyrics much?

Most of the song now are sung about love and heartaches.. It kinda hit me that in most song, there's always something like i promise i'll never cheat on you, you will be my everything..

Food for thought. What does it mean? Does it mean that we don't have another person other than just our partners, and that very person will be everything in your life?  Well, i guess it not really applicable in this age anymore.

Why do i say so, i believe maybe it was more relevant in the past, like the olden days.
I feel that there wasn't much to do back then. Then you just wake up everyday thinking about
that special person, and then maybe she/he will eventually become everything you think of.

We are so advanced now, there's so many ways to earn money. There are a million things you can do the moment you open your eyes each morning. We get too caught up in the rat race, we choose our work over families and maybe that special someone, and the best part is, it seems so normal because everyone is all busy and doing the same, we don't even realize it.

When do we draw the line between responsibility,work and family&loved ones. I guess that lyrics would be applicable in that way, don't pick your work over me. Or don't make your iphone, ipad, ipod, your money, your car, your job everything.

Don't get me wrong, even i struggle with this. The my everything and i won't cheat on you. Just that, i will be cheating with gadgets and what you call time-management, and multi-tasking.
So... food for thought.

There's no one else I'd rather be.

Hi there, i dunno if anyone is reading. My name is Vanessa Chua.
I am a student. I am a cook. I am a pianist. I am a daughter. I am a sister.

I am a winner and a loser. I am fast and sharp, but slow as well.
I can explain everything to you in detail and still fail to get distinction.
I can listen to you all day but i can't listen to myself.
I can be active one minute and totally lazy the next.
I love nature and tall beautiful buildings at the same time.
I can climb a mountain for you.
I am emotional and level headed at the same time.
I am crazy and very very sane. I can be hopeful and be a wet blanket.
I am a pessimist and an optimist.

I have failed many times in life, still failing. And i am emotional-its ok.
Because i am human, i have a soul. i feel, i live and i savor life.
I live with all the emotions of the world. I love myself for being me.
I am ruin and i love it, because then i am able to transform myself.
And because i am me, i will do it at my time, my space.

Even if i have failed 1000000 times. If that is the number of times i have to fail
in order to pass. I will do it. In my time.

Life is fragile, from the beginning to the end.