When my friends are introducing me to

a new hot guy and it starts 

like this :

" I don't know why she's still single"

The small write up before the big day.

I have been playing peek-a-boo with this blog. No, actually i have totally neglected this space.
Well - i just quit my job and bla bla bla.

I had a much needed break  ( when you are busier during breaks) and a few epic moments with loved ones. This whole month I have been all touchy feely about marriage and having kids. Like the whole month is a period before my period.

And its funny how the universe affirms what I'm totally feeling right now.

I finally went to the doctor to check up why i could be so hyper everyday but thoroughly exhausted?
I know he could tell because he started asking funny questions. So after telling him my daily routine and my diet... so the REAL questions begun.

Doc : What are you doing now
Me  : Bla bla bla.
Doc: Are you happy?
Me  : Eeerrr ... Yeah? I guess so. ( I could totally write up another post on this )
Doc : Do you have a boyfriend ? When are you getting married ?
Me   : ............... ( 10 seconds silence ) I do not have a boyfriend. * I AM MORTIFIED*
Doc  : But you're 26 already - should have a boyfriend. (Then he gives me the best advice in the world)
           Always find someone who loves and cares about you more than the other way round.
Me   : That's why I'm single. Cannot find. * I want to leave this conversation and blend into the wall *

I totally love this doctor ok - he has seen me grow all these years.I have been seeing him since I was like.. 2? And I am abso-fucking-lutely dumbfounded that my happiness has got anything to do with having a boyfriend.

Owh well, i was ready to forgive him; and he manage to annoy me further. The next time you come ; please come back with a boyfriend. *RAGEEEEEEEEEE* hahahhaha.

After that pretty awkward conversation, *dad driving* I asked permission if I could be a single mom.
My dad said ok - "thats fine with me".

After we got home - he presented me a stack of internet print-outs - about how kids who are raised by single parent would turn out .. the exact words : lop-sided.

Exciting weekend for me.
Tomorrow will be more exciting for me.
Let the journey begin.

Lovely weekend peeps!

.

                  WHEN I SURVIVED 

                SOME MASSIVE SHIT.

Where you come from, where you belong, where's your future.

Maybe its just me getting old. Really weird feeling where i do not belong anywhere.

In the office - I see mediocre people with mediocre thoughts and ways. Being a superior - I have to constantly have higher ways to solve problems ( and I admit sometimes i just want to do it the easy way - coming up with good solutions is not an easy task - i struggle alot with that ).Being the light on a constant manner is exhausting and not to mention - my ways are therefore weird and good (feasible)

I never truly felt that I belong somewhere other than home. Even then - staying far away from home has made me feel even worst about that. Somedays when I feel terrible I guess being home won't be able to fix me anymore. I feel like i do not belong to my new home, neither I would feel at home at my parents. I believe it is a very awkward feeling.

That I do not belong to the crowd. To my colleagues. To the people at the bar. Neither do I feeling like I belong to the world. Peanuts in the midst of Walnuts.

Let the war begin.

Places and Tiles

Keeping Sanity

I have been missing in action. But at the same time been through too much action.

Life is crazy hectic. I'm trying hard to keep my sanity or even ..

Just a little quiet time for myself seems impossible.

And of course it's not perfect.

The road to success, definitely is the hardest and longest road. Honestly, sometimes i feel so tired of trying already - trying my very very best. Held by that one string that keeps it all together. Sometimes I just want to unglue and let it all fall apart, only to start all over. Endings and beginnings are truly indeed a way of life. Can't escape it at all.

I'm so tired- work is consuming. Mentally exhausting and physically draining. Emotionally  - sucks me dry like a vacuum. Somedays I just want to run, away obviously. But this is good right? Means i'm learning things - not exactly the way I expect it to be. Pretty sure I will turn out better. Learning through pain - hopefully at the end of it, I am a much better person. 

That I can face failures and defeat in the eye with full graciousness. That I am stretched mentally and emotionally in preparation for the future that is in store for me. I know I'm supposed to be positive and blogs are sometimes a place where everything seems perfect. The perfect picture, the perfect life, the perfect partner, the perfect vacation. I'm like all of you - just more realistic. I can talk about my sadness and emptiness. I'm human and I'm not going to hide it or not talk about it because it gives people the impression that i am so kept well together. Sometimes I just want to scream and shout and just cry. Other times I just want to stay in bed and feel better. The rest of the time, I just want to watch a movie and eat chocolate cake.

Sometimes my sink is full of dirty dishes, and I do not enjoy doing the laundry. I wished i had the time to play my plays' station. Or i could just burry myself in the pile of books i'm suppose to be reading. Sometimes I am so tired. I just want to sleep ALL weekend.

And that's when all the money in the world. Seems worthless.

Nonetheless, I still love my life very much. I'm blessed to be growing, to be learning at every minute of my life. That I am still trying to live each day with much compassion and hope. Living each day with so much intensity is exhausting, but it is fulfilling.

It's the crazy ones who change the world. Chase your dreams.

Lets make more magic.

It's just outside your comfort zone. The best part ?
It's not difficult at all to get there.
Just a little extra effort.


Love for all of you people. xoxo

Why Don't You

Whatever comes, let it come,
what stays let stay,
what goes
let go.

via