Of brains and gym.

HElllllllllloooooooooooooooooooooooo...

This whole week is just crazy.. its just amazing how am i still alive...

I had a test today, which i have been study for since the last weekend.... 

It was relatively easy and i could do it, but i'll never know how many silly mistakes i made..

I was disturbed by the fact it was easy, but i couldn't score... its definitely better than being.. getting a super 

hard paper and getting zero... I mean.. it's totally me... Why the hell can't i just do it right without all the unnecessary nonsense......

I just let it go because it couldn't change anything.. 

After class i came home and tried to get some sleep, so i kept sniffing the lavender oil, because it really helps me,

to calm my nerves and it puts me to sleep really quickly...

So i fell asleep.

And when my alarm rang.. i felt so tired. My body felt really heavy.. and i just wanted to

lie back down to continue sleeping, but i can't because i have a paper tomorrow as well and i need to rush some assignments. So i sat on my chair, my mind is blank.

I can't think, i don't wanna waste time... but i realized my brain really couldn't work because is going in..

It's not working because its too tired...  OMG. 

EXHAUSTION REDEFINED

So.. here i am just typing words.. and its not going through my mind.. i am going to the gym now..... to kick start my exhausted mind..

How to people do this shit?????????

Day 6 of lent

Have i have been more gentle?

I guess so, the first few days, was a bit difficult for me, because i have always been
blunt and carefree.... and said whatever i wanted to say to whoever.. (thats bad)

So yesterday after being emo and sad because no one cared about me..
I tried to stop myself from self destruction and it worked..
I just told myself.. i can't let this one time ( once in a blue moon)
to put a label on people who have cared about me for such a long time.
And i didn't even feel that it was difficult at all.

I guess.. slowly and surely. i will be more gentle, with myself and others. =)

Sick and sick of it.

Yesterday i had a massive sore throat, so i tried my level best to fight it.
I felt a little feverish as well. I know very well why i was sick...

These are difficult time, i haven't got to rest properly for a reasonable number of days.
Stress is creeping up my shoulders. And i have no time to cook for myself
because i have to drown myself in my books, for my test and my assignments.
So i have been eating cereal for most of my meals.... hence the sore throat.

Today morning, i felt groggy... and by noon, totally feverish.
So i can't do my work and study.. because i need to think.. and my head
felt really heavy...

So i laid down to rest, and as my fever became higher and higher.. i could feel it
because i feel that my head is being fried... I tried to call my dad, and mom,
and my sister. But no one was free to bother.

So i laid down and fell asleep.

A while later i woke up with bloodshot eyes. So i dragged myself out
to get a cab, to go see a doctor. While in the cab, i just realized that...
Aren't we all alone in the end?

So the doctor said, rest well, don't stress yourself. The normal, drink
lotsa fluid and bla bla bla.

So while waiting for my cab, i really felt terrible, my head was painful and groggy,
my back ached like mad, and i just felt weak.. and guess what..?? That's the time
there was no cab to be seen. *perfect timing*

I don't like to be sick, because then.. i am weak. and i can't take care of myself.
And its the time i realized that there's no one else to take care of me.
So i can't study, i can't cook porridge for myself, i can't stand up for 2 minutes,
i can't think.. i can't do anything- while my due-dates are fast approaching.
And on top of that, i have to feel i'm all alone. Sadness redefined.

Lazzy saturday noon.

I wanna have mash potatoes.
I wanna have chocolate cake.
And chocolate pudding..
And i wanna have garlic bread.
And spaghetti with meatballs.
And ..................... Not do the dishes after that.

Test in a few hours.. its a small test, but contributes to my final exam,
I always feel jittery before test. And i always manage to get blank and totally
forget all my formulas.. hahhaha..

Lets hope i don't do that this time around.. =)
Wish me luck peeps.

After 9 hours.

I must say, it is really difficult to be gentle and kind- to the good people and the bad people.
I try not to roll my eyes, or show a disgusting face... its difficult.hahhahahha
maybe i should just be... not expressive at all.

But i will tryyyyyyyyyyyyy everydayyyyyyyyyyyy