Moving on.

It has dawned upon me that, what keeps us going. Maybe for some of us, its sheer excitement, responsibility, passion, money, satisfaction and whatever else it takes for us to move on.

But what happens if we can't move on? What happens if we fail?

Do we stop doing the things we do because we are restricted, or we try something else.

When we fail, what happens? Some of us, just don't think about it and pretend like nothing ever happened. What the hell is that? Some of us party so hard and puke so much. Or some of us-

We can sit,cry and ponder what went wrong. Soothe yourself with a tub of ice cream. Or go shopping. Have a bottle of wine. Take a long bath. Lit up scented candles.

Or we go on a holiday for a break so that we can take a step back to see what has been going on lately.No matter what we do, it comes back to us, we can try running away for a holiday, run to the club and shake all your problems out. It.is.still.there.

How do we cope with it? As in really deal with it? For some people, when there's a problem, they just disappear, because by disappearing you make the problem go away. Like i said, some live in denial. Some deal with it positively. Some take in all the disappointment and sadness and turn it into a flower. Some go to the gym. Some meditate. I am sure we all didn't wanna do any of these when we knew that we failed. We just did WHAT we HAD to do, to repair our souls, to stay sane and alive just to take you through the next stage. Then when you get there, your mind set must change.I meditate, i know.. whatever.. It is so funny that sometimes people think that we are running away from the problem. It is actually the total opposite. You take time out to sit down, for hours, in silence. And it is the time you face the truth- your fears, your insecurities, and be real with yourself. Trust me, we all know the answers to everything, but can we just silent the mind to access them? Meditate.

Then when the change has taken place, when you are ready to take on the world. What would you choose? Would you continue to try to strive for success in whatever situation, or would you just leave and start afresh again. If you could continue and still try again, it is strength. If you quit, and decided to start afresh, it is also strength. I am sure in both scenarios, striving for the best requires the same mentality, same strength and same commitment level.However, being a winner is when you can be honorable, know when and what choice is for the best, regardless of what you want. Take what you need and move on, even if it means staying at the same spot, having the same dream but taking a different route.

Alone vs lonely.

Hie....................... its exam period... and i have the urge to write even more because of the stress...=p. Well.. about loneliness and being alone, its almost the same but very very different at the same time.

Ever since i moved to kl for my studies, i have been alone most of the time, cause my family is so far away, and all my close friends are all around the world, and it quiet difficult for me to make new friends cause i am super shy and i dunno how to ice break.. whatever. So yea, i have been alone most of the time, but i do enjoy being alone actually. You take time for yourself. All your activities are the things you wanna do, not what others wanna do. I watch the movie i wanna watch, i eat what i wanna eat, at my own time, my own place. There's no fuss, its easy. Thats why i find it so hard to go out in groups, because no one actually can come to a conclusion because we have to satisfy everyone... and we all know-we really cannot satisfy everyone.

Being lonely is so different from being alone. Alone is just being by yourself, but lonely is when, you are alone or surrounded my people but you have this emptiness in your heart you cannot fill. And you just don't know what to do, can you cannot make it go away. Then you start to make distract yourself with work, sleeping, going out massively..... but you know you're doomed the minute you hit the bed. I don't know but whenever i hit the bed, i do a self reality check.... and then it creeps up to you.... that you are lonely.

Loneliness cannot be cured by anyone. you could be surrounded by friends and laugh. but you can still feel the emptiness. Then sometimes you wanna call that special someone, what if you don't have that special someone? Be like me, if you feel lonely. DEAL WITH IT.

Make your way out of it, Draw a map about it, and sit on it. For once in your life, welcome the human experience. Never once, use people's existence or emotion to fill yourself up. Its cheating. You're cheating yourself. Be around it, get out of it. You'll be stronger, plus you know how to deal with the next time around.

The Heart

The heart fails you when you do not protect it from nasty people, nasty food.

Lately my heart has been failing me big time. Too much too fast, made me realized how much i was actually missing out. I have been giving too much receiving too little. Trying harder but getting lesser. Then i tell myself, why do i have to go through this? Am i not worthy enough to be treated like a lady? Right there and then, i know that i deserved it, then tears of joy flowed from my eyes, i closed my eyes and cried hard. i have woken up.

There's a fine line between hope and reality. I've been hoping for far too long for changes to take place but the truth has been staring at me for a long time now. THINGS ARE NOT GOING TO CHANGE. So... my heart stopped giving. Not because it cannot, just because it doesn't want to.

I don't even feel sad a bit. I've never felt so alive. When we let go, we can feel like the burden has been lifted off your shoulders. Then again, did you make it go away, or did you run away. How much can someone take...

It doesn't mean you give more, you receive more. When you don't communicate, and suddenly everything is about fighting. When you don't care enough to love the person. you take things for granted. You think you had me, but you didn't, and you won't anymore. why? becausei don't wanna live like that for the rest of my life- Living with a person who cannot feel, cannot love, who is not excited about me or us at all, don't know how to appreciate, to care and show concern, who cannot have matured conversations with me.

Hello lover, here i come for you.

Pain

Pain, what would we do with and without it.

Have you ever feel so much pain, you just wanna sit down and daze, no tears, no sadness. just numb. Sometimes i feel so much pain i can't breathe. Sometimes when its so overwhelming, my body takes over my mind. Then you will find me running 8km, eating non stop, not eating at all, not sleeping, self-destructing, watching movies but not watching anything at all, dazing, sleeping non stop. Then you will also see me getting irritated at forks and spoons, how i would plot to kill someone when the train comes late. Most of then time, i would stare into the space and cry. I would cry at dogs, songs, words, at butterflies, trees.

Why do we feel pain, is it because we were disappointed, angry, an elevated level of frustration ,

or is someone's hurtful words? or was is someone's attitude, or failure, or when we're lonely,

when things don't go according to plans? Its all of it, its when i expect and don't get it. Sometimes, i get hurt by words. By unthoughtful and selfish people. Sometimes i feel pain when i try and i am still at the same spot.

Pain always makes me stronger. It makes me want to be a better person. It teaches me that disappointed,angry, frustration is here to stay... but how am i going to channel my pain?

Sometimes i look at the sky for strength, i look at butterflies for comfort, sometimes when i look at dogs with so much sadness in my eyes, i feel that they understand me more than any human being can... Most of the time i lie down and cry. Then i ask God why put this on me, why am i the one who gives and don't receive? Why so much pain for me?

Then He answers me "You have to learn that pain is good. With pain you can learn and overcome it... most importantly...Because i first loved you, so that you could give others". Then i just marvel that the greatness of my God, that i have to always rely on Him to help me love those who inflict pain onto me. I can, because He first loved me. I can never imagine a world without pain... self destruction. What if i get hit by a bus and i feel no pain. what if i got burn by fire and i feel no pain. What if my legs were chopped off and i still felt no pain?? i am grateful for the pain i feel. It makes me feel i am alive.