Pain

Pain, what would we do with and without it.

Have you ever feel so much pain, you just wanna sit down and daze, no tears, no sadness. just numb. Sometimes i feel so much pain i can't breathe. Sometimes when its so overwhelming, my body takes over my mind. Then you will find me running 8km, eating non stop, not eating at all, not sleeping, self-destructing, watching movies but not watching anything at all, dazing, sleeping non stop. Then you will also see me getting irritated at forks and spoons, how i would plot to kill someone when the train comes late. Most of then time, i would stare into the space and cry. I would cry at dogs, songs, words, at butterflies, trees.

Why do we feel pain, is it because we were disappointed, angry, an elevated level of frustration ,

or is someone's hurtful words? or was is someone's attitude, or failure, or when we're lonely,

when things don't go according to plans? Its all of it, its when i expect and don't get it. Sometimes, i get hurt by words. By unthoughtful and selfish people. Sometimes i feel pain when i try and i am still at the same spot.

Pain always makes me stronger. It makes me want to be a better person. It teaches me that disappointed,angry, frustration is here to stay... but how am i going to channel my pain?

Sometimes i look at the sky for strength, i look at butterflies for comfort, sometimes when i look at dogs with so much sadness in my eyes, i feel that they understand me more than any human being can... Most of the time i lie down and cry. Then i ask God why put this on me, why am i the one who gives and don't receive? Why so much pain for me?

Then He answers me "You have to learn that pain is good. With pain you can learn and overcome it... most importantly...Because i first loved you, so that you could give others". Then i just marvel that the greatness of my God, that i have to always rely on Him to help me love those who inflict pain onto me. I can, because He first loved me. I can never imagine a world without pain... self destruction. What if i get hit by a bus and i feel no pain. what if i got burn by fire and i feel no pain. What if my legs were chopped off and i still felt no pain?? i am grateful for the pain i feel. It makes me feel i am alive.