If God was here.

If i could touch Him, i would hug Him.
If i could see Him, i wished he would wipe away my tears and take all my pain away.
I wished He could look into my eyes and see my pain.
But all of my pain is non compared for the pain He suffered for me at the cross.

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

How humane of me,wanting to feel and touch Him. 

I have lost His warmth, and i am so impatient-wanting Him to be here.

So i could be comforted. Sorry and Please Forgive me.

Take away my pain. Let me close my eyes and rest.

Fly Awayyyyy

Yesterday my friends and i went for this great adventure.
We headed down to Shah Alam, Taman Pertanian. It's basically a jungle made into a park, filled with fun pack activities. About 23 of us participated in a circuit game consisting of flying fox, walking in nets, balancing act, all up in the air..  [ Check it out yourself http://www.skytrex-adventure.com/contact.php].
While a few others preferred to just cycle around the park.. Bike were for rent for a starting rate for RM3, and RM1 every subsequent hour.

Initially i was a little scared because its about 17m up in the air... but eventually i got over it and it was so much fun... we didn't take much photos while playing because we all were so focused on trying to not fall off anything... So we only took photos after completing the circuit.. =)

All of those who played the games.

Having dinner after the games =)

I had so much funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn =D WWWEeeeeeeeee

I am feeling the Monday blues... and i will have the Tuesday blues as well..

Judgement

Mistakes mistakes mistakes. The exam paper i got back from the lecturer, was scribbled with red pen.
I got only 30% and i will never forget the facial expression he had on his face back then. It was disgust and he has that look in his eyes. " You better not fail this subject " was what he said to me in frustration.

It was my first test out of the 3 tests i was supposed to sit for. I was frustrated because while he was ranting away about my poor performance, i was checking my answers. All my mistakes were so silly and it caused me that much??? On top on that i had to deal with this man who is judging me like i am a failure in life.

So i said " I won't fail this subject " and walked away very hurt.

It wasn't the 30%, i just felt judged and i felt i was already being grouped into the "failing this subject " group.So i got full marks the next 2 tests. The lecturer couldn't look at me in the eye in lectures.
And i did get an A in the final exam. I don't know if i got an A because i was defensive or i got an A because i can. Did i get an A to prove to him i am not a failure... to him at least?

I constantly feel that i am being judged for what i wear, who i am. What i say, the things i do.
And i have made so many mistakes. Yes i have, and i realize and i want to make things better.
However, most of the time i feel that i can't get out of the perception that has already been labelled on me. Its infuriating and frustrating. I know some things in life only comes onces, but i also believe that everyone deserve a second chance. Well we deserve every chance we get don't we, but i don't think we deserve to be judged and put in a box labelled "bad".

Is this about chance or its about judgement or forgiveness?
I guess forgiveness. If a person has done you wrong. You get hurt, and then you think about it.
So if the person is sincere about the apology you forgive them right? Right?
Forgiving to me, means that i don't forget, but i feel that the poor soul feels bad and he feels the need to make up and maybe change. So i grant him a second chance to make it up, not to me, but to himself.
Because everyone make mistakes. But that's me, is everyone like me? No.

To give grace, is to know that people are imperfect and filled with different capacities. I fail to be full of grace sometimes *most of the time* but i realizes it within seconds. But i don't judge people very much, because i feel that i will never understand why they do certain things or say certain things.
Simply because i don't walk in their shoes.

Today i felt labelled and judged. I felt frustrated because i was robbed of a chance to show that i am changed because of someone's inability to forgive and give me my space of grace. I already feel judged before i can say anything. Its frustrating.

Then how am i to grow? Maybe growth is only for us to judge for ourselves. Maybe i don't need to prove to anyone....

The Net

Everyone uses the internet, its fast, efficient, good.
I love the internet, its like a library to me. I'm always looking things up from the net, reading from the net, connecting with people through it.

But sadly, there's one thing i hate about it. It makes me grow apart.
Its a mean on communication where either parties cannot see and feel emotions.
Its bad for me, because personally i feel that when i communicate with a person,
i wanna see his reactions and his feelings.
So i know what to say next and how to say it. And the other thing is,
We will never know the real meaning of the message sent to you.

For eg, If i were to say something like
" Ahhhhhhhh"

Is it frustration?
Satisfaction?
Anger?
Delightfulness?

If we were to say something bad, we are not caught and we can easily get away, because no one hears the tone of the message sent across.
But if someone were to send you a message of pain, and you can't see or feel that, how are you going to comfort that person?

Everything has its pros and cons, Just as much as i love the net, i feel that its bad.
It makes people grow apart. Maybe cause i just love communication the traditional way.
Seeing and Feeling is Believing. =D 

=D

Day 2

So i am back in uni, and so far i am so excited about the subjects i am doing.
But my timetable is crackooooooooooooo....  Very long days..

So i am here blogging cause there's no class tomorrow , because some days are full and some days i have no classes at all, but the best part is i have classes on Saturdays *sob sob*
But all in all, i am excited and so ready to kick ass, i hope my excitement don't melt away at Week 5 into my semester, that's where i have to start with assignments and my studying for my mid-terms.

So next next week is Chinese New Year!! Hahaaahahah, i will be getting many red packets- so i can finally get that beautiful pair of shoes. Maybe i will book a ticket off to somewhere beautiful.
And because Chinese New Year is coming, i have to work harder to lose weight now so that i can pile on the pounds for CNY, because there will be glorious glorious glorious amount of amazingly delicious food. I LOVE FOOD THAT MUCH.

Have a nice day peeps!!!