Do you ever feel that you are so different from others?
I do. All the time. Sometimes people think i am really weird and funny, but i can't be bothered most of the time. But sometimes i do, especially when people don't accept me for who i am, and expects me to conform to normality. I have tried to be 'normal' as in, do things the way it 'should' be done, react the way i should react. Sometimes i should remain silent and know my place, as a woman.
It feels fake. I feel cheap. It makes me want to rip my heart off my chest, because the level of self-deception is so over-powering. So i don't make myself conform anymore. I like that i am loud, around those i am comfortable with, and very silent if i might know you, and if my day feels right, i might give strangers a big whopping smile. I am so different, i stand out like a sore thumb and i like it that way.
When i see a table made of unpolished wood, i see beauty and uniqueness. When i stand in a field with green pastures, i feel loved and relaxed. When the wind is blowing, it is like a song in my ear. Listening to orchestra is like a beautiful story, sometimes which makes me cry. When a song plays, i don't listen to the lyrics the first time around, but the beat and the key of the song... through those factors- i can almost feel what the singer/composer is feeling.
I love to cook, and sometimes i don't really enjoy eating as much as preparing the food itself.. to me its like art, and i really appreciate those who can enjoy food as well as me, because food is just food to people, but when i eat something, i can tell you what is that particular dish whipped up off.
I am happy to see butterflies and ladybugs, and sometimes when i am taking in all the beauty of this world. Makes me want to cry.
It doesn't only happen to beautiful things, but also negative things in life, when failure sometimes might seem like the end of road. Sometimes i try so hard and i don't get there, i feel like just lying down and giving up.
I could really get impatient with silly people and just be crazier than them. I really feel horrible when, i really tried, but the only thing that is running toward me is disappointment, and the worst is getting so sad with what you see in life, that the only feeling you ever capable of feeling is anger.
I have all these feelings, and my high seems so much higher, and my lows feels so much lower.
Every emotion, sensation, smell, touch, is heighten to a higher level. It makes me feel alive... and it makes me feel like i am living every moment of my life despite being caught in the rat race. It is almost like a luxury to me to be able to bask in all the wonderful things and ugly side of life. Makes me feel like i am human, and by the end of my life, i have gone above and beyond and have felt every thrill, emotion, sensation that i could have ever feel in my life.
Or am i just sensitive..... over-sensitive..... dramatic? maybe
I am embracing it- it is a beautiful gift. =)
I do. All the time. Sometimes people think i am really weird and funny, but i can't be bothered most of the time. But sometimes i do, especially when people don't accept me for who i am, and expects me to conform to normality. I have tried to be 'normal' as in, do things the way it 'should' be done, react the way i should react. Sometimes i should remain silent and know my place, as a woman.
It feels fake. I feel cheap. It makes me want to rip my heart off my chest, because the level of self-deception is so over-powering. So i don't make myself conform anymore. I like that i am loud, around those i am comfortable with, and very silent if i might know you, and if my day feels right, i might give strangers a big whopping smile. I am so different, i stand out like a sore thumb and i like it that way.
When i see a table made of unpolished wood, i see beauty and uniqueness. When i stand in a field with green pastures, i feel loved and relaxed. When the wind is blowing, it is like a song in my ear. Listening to orchestra is like a beautiful story, sometimes which makes me cry. When a song plays, i don't listen to the lyrics the first time around, but the beat and the key of the song... through those factors- i can almost feel what the singer/composer is feeling.
I love to cook, and sometimes i don't really enjoy eating as much as preparing the food itself.. to me its like art, and i really appreciate those who can enjoy food as well as me, because food is just food to people, but when i eat something, i can tell you what is that particular dish whipped up off.
I am happy to see butterflies and ladybugs, and sometimes when i am taking in all the beauty of this world. Makes me want to cry.
It doesn't only happen to beautiful things, but also negative things in life, when failure sometimes might seem like the end of road. Sometimes i try so hard and i don't get there, i feel like just lying down and giving up.
I could really get impatient with silly people and just be crazier than them. I really feel horrible when, i really tried, but the only thing that is running toward me is disappointment, and the worst is getting so sad with what you see in life, that the only feeling you ever capable of feeling is anger.
I have all these feelings, and my high seems so much higher, and my lows feels so much lower.
Every emotion, sensation, smell, touch, is heighten to a higher level. It makes me feel alive... and it makes me feel like i am living every moment of my life despite being caught in the rat race. It is almost like a luxury to me to be able to bask in all the wonderful things and ugly side of life. Makes me feel like i am human, and by the end of my life, i have gone above and beyond and have felt every thrill, emotion, sensation that i could have ever feel in my life.
Or am i just sensitive..... over-sensitive..... dramatic? maybe
I am embracing it- it is a beautiful gift. =)
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