Grey Day and Grey Night..

I wonder how long will i be stuck with this feeling, feeling low, useless and lost. I am constantly battling with myself internally.I try, try and try and try, but why does it seem that people don't give even two cents about it?

Then i fall into a spiral of emotions, thoughts and questions in my head. Wondered if my actions were wrong?
Then i start to feel sorry for myself, and slowly realize that there is no one in this world that i can count on, or expect anything kind in return except God.

Then i wished the people who hurt me, would just go away, and stop adding salt to my wound. When they apologize ( if they do). All i do is want to condemn them, because it hurts so much, so painful - it just sends me to a place there i can see no one, no light, sometimes i feel that place is Godless too. But something inside me tells me, be kind - always be kind. Be the kindness you want to see.

I'm struggling with this, " be the kindness you want to see " , is very difficult for me. I think the people i am surrounded by are not so nice, and i should surround myself with only loving and nice people.
If that is true, then who challenges me? That would be no one.

Today is a very slow day, i wished i could get some tender loving care from loved ones, but they all seem so far away, so spaced out.. this is when i have to stand and keep walking. Even though i can't picture God, i will try very hard, to picture Him walking with me, or even better, carrying me.

I have a presentation tomorrow, and all i am doing is just dazing and self-soothing.
Have a lovely weekend you guys!!! =)