Week 6 into my Semester + Monday Blues.

Mondays are bad. The worst day of all days.. Aside from feeling blue.. I have class from 8-6 pm. Its exhausting. I don't know how my dad works like such everyday, but then again learning for so many hours is different from working. But i remember being so tired everyday when i was working to those exact working hours. Maybe its just about how much interest i have in those subjects..

But nope its not that, i don't know.. Its week 6, time flew like superman.. and its the time i have to sit for all my test and meet all my assignment due dates. I feel it. I had a small test today, i didn't do very well. I can explain why, but i did prepare for the test, just not in the way i thought it would be. I spent one week trying out all the hard questions, but the test was so basic i didn't how to make my brain to think that way. I just felt like knocking my head.. but its over..

I feel the pressure and time is always catching up, running faster than me, i am already running throughout my whole life. I am exhausted. I wished my room is Hawaii-but unfortunately its not. Its that time where i have to differentiate all my papers between subjects, find the time to study them and get an A, between all those, i have to clean my room, and change the sheets and do the laundry, and think of what to cook for my meals. and do the dishes and wash the bathroom and fold my clothes.... and then i am already a grumpy person and angry and tired..

But no, i don't get to be.. because i have to be nice in this already not nice world. Not forgetting i have to exercise to keep my fat cells from growing.. Women.. can we really have it all? the super-student, the able-to-cook-person, and the nice girl plus she's hot and be a maid at the same time? I really don't know.Now I really understand the frustration my mom is feeling all these time. Its a vicious cycle, after you're done with one, its already time for the next... capital omg. Save me.

Talk about a nervous/mental breakdown.. i need a desperately need a holiday.. its been years since i had one. And i am tired, and irritable, and emotional.. i just feel like stopping time, and i can't. I wished i took a day off, just for myself. No anything. Just to relax. Just time for yourself, and you don't wanna do the dishes or sit for hours cracking your brains or clean up the room or take out the trash...

But then again, we always have to pick up from where we stopped-the world waits for no man.

Living in a city that barely sleeps, build of concrete jungles.. everything moves so fast. Without knowing it, you're moving with them, at their pace. Sometimes i wonder what are we really chasing and why aren't we getting anything of what we're chasing?

Oh Lord, please give me wisdom to divide my time, and take my weariness away because i am really exhausted. Give me the strength to know what i am doing wrong and help me over come it. What am i chasing Lord, that is making me so tired. I should be chasing you. Forgive me Lord because i have been chasing all the wrong things in life. Lead be me back to your path.

Cheat

Fraud, deceive, dishonestly, to swindle,pretender,to deceit,to trick.

However you may use the word, in different context, for different situations, for everyone of us.

My friend just celebrated her 3rd anniversary with her boyfriend a few days ago, and today she found out that he was cheating on her. Its sad, heart-wrenching... imagine the anger and frustration she's going through.(Her bf works outstation) After all the patients, web-cam sessions, in all those absence - she overcame it all to know that he had another. What to do, men and women are weak -imperfect. Shit happens.

And my friend, took it all in, well and good. She didn't feel like killing him, nor did her eyes swelled up with tears. I believed she just took it in and thats it. I must say, she's a strong lady. Takes a lot of courage to swallow down a mountain of emotions with no resulting reaction. I am the one here, being unable to let it go. I must admit, i take time to let go my emotions. It all happens in my time, in my own way. Some people cant take that. I don't understand how they can just act like nothing happens.. **guys** HOW??????

they're emotional.. but built not to show any-even if they are feeling it. *WEIRD*

Well, i am a woman, and i am emotional.. i wonder how she's taking it.. I bet her ex would be out having a few bucket, having an awesome time.

But but... today i just read in the newspapers that women are the new men.. because we are in touch in our emotions.. Makes us more expressive, more attuned, compassionate and sensitive to the feelings and needs of others... and hence more successful. The article mentioned that the brain of both sexes are the same, but because of the different ways boys and girls are brought up.. It permanently alters the brain.. leaving significant effects on behavior.

Well well.. Here's to you fren, for your courage. One step at a time.

I will remember this day forever.

I never came from a wealthy family, hardly gotten anything that i wanted when i was a child. Until today, i never had a Happy Meal. My mom bought me my first Barbie when i was 10.But i never took all these into consideration because i had a happy childhood. My dad would teach me how to ride bicycles without the 2 supporting wheels. I used to watched cooking programs with mom in the afternoon after my kindergarten hours, i used to wonder why she wrote down everything the man said, in a hurry. Now i know why. I have to loving brothers they always included me in their "adventures" but i hated spider-catching and playing sega, but i loved street fighters, i grew up with final fantasy ost. I love playing in the playground with them. Then my sister came along, the sweetest baby i've ever seen until today. I used to bully her *shame on me*, but now she is my bestest friend.

But today i understand even in your family, what you give you don't get back.

Pa, this is for you. I will work hard, and one day, i will return what you have given me

for all my life, because you are worth it also. I'm sorry you have to slog so hard for me, and i am grateful. I love you.

Expectations

Today, i was let down by a friend. I wasn't expecting anything from Z, until she told me that she would want to commit to what she said. I got excited too fast, too much. And i ended up being burnt.I felt rejected, i was sad because it wasn't like we had the chance everyday. It felt like i was in a box, and i was option A but she didn't pick me, she picked me over her own emotions, she said she couldnt make it because she was broke and she felt that it was wrong to borrow to go out with me.I felt angry, i thought she was selfish, but it has been so long we talk about this meet-up. I felt like a fool. She said she missed me and wanted to see me badly, but i guess not enough to make it happen in reality.

I am the selfish one? its a equation i can't balance. I feel its so unfair, cause everything single time when something good is about to happen.. *something i really look forward to* it really never happens- it makes me feel unworthy of people's time and energy.

When there's a will, there's a way right? for me at least, never say die until i get what i want.. maybe thats why i can;t understand why some people don't hold values like how i do.

Maybe i should try to understand why they can't.. but i can't accept things like , " i really wanna come but i just can't make it" - its just infuriating to hear that.Why do you want something, you feel the desire but you just can't make it happen... i can't figure it out. We all know, good things don't come by often.

Sometimes i wished these people would just take a step back to see what's happening, instead of indulging in their own ego, make the step and stand up to it. Then you will see that its just your ego holding you in the way, from something more beautiful. Easily said than done for a lot of people, but when you overcome your own feelings for something great, you'll barely remember that it was a great deal in the first place. I feel sad for this type of people, because they have so limited emotions that they just tell themselves that they can't. They don't think of others but their own conveniences. So Z, i guess you'll meet up with me, when its convenient and easy for you. If you're being put in the spot, you'll just back out and give some lame ass excuse.We could have hung out in the cheapest stall, eating cheap yucky food, but laughing away about it for a few hours. But i guess it was hard for you to think like that, because Z, you're so sensitive to your own feelings that you can't see mine. Its heart-wrenching, that you my best buddy, can't see others but yourself.

It goes the same for expecting for anything else in the world. Money, good grades, respect, love...

Respect and love is earned, not given readily. Good grades.. i have learned that it doesn't mean that we study hard, we get what we want. I have to learn this through the hard way, failing my subjects was devastating, but i learnt to pick myself up. Money is everything in this world, we can buy almost everything with money, but to me, money its nothing. It stands no where in my life that i have to worship and slog to earn it. It should be earned smartly. I'm glad i have my parents, my great siblings and God, always there for me through thick and thin. And through love, happiness, sadness and tears with these people make my life worth while. I'll lay down my life for them. As for you Z, you are not worth my time at all, its a good thing i found out today. Better late then never,because i am worth it.I am.

It's A Man's Man's Man's World

This is a man's world, this is a man's world
But it wouldn't be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl

You see, man made the cars to take us over the road
Man made the trains to carry heavy loads
Man made electric light to take us out of the dark
Man made the boat for the water, like Noah made the ark

This is a man's, a man's, a man's world
But it wouldn't be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl

Man thinks about a little baby girls and a baby boys
Man makes then happy 'cause man makes them toys
And after man has made everything, everything he can
You know that man makes money to buy from other man

This is a man's world
But it wouldn't be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl

He's lost in the wilderness
He's lost in bitterness