Updates..

I was reading through my blog and i realized that i haven't updated much about me being more gentle for the lent period, plus its 3am and i can't sleep at all.

So, have i been more gentle these days? I would say yes to that question, but not entirely.

I have been more gentle to myself. For example its ok to not score well, and its ok to totally not study when i don't feel like it. Its OK to not go to the gym and bla bla bla. (I always expect myself to do certain things by certain time, if failed to do so... you don't wanna know . hahhahah )

But what is more important is that, i realized i'm way easier on myself, not so much of pressure on myself.
And when i talk, i try not to jump, or react as if there's a nuclear explosion, but sometimes i find myself too refine. Like. UNNATURAL. But it does me some good. I guess, its nicer to hear gentle people talk.
I don't allow myself to think negative thoughts, even if i do, its just one minute and i let it go.

And the most true success, which i have to share is that. ..

The other day, i was hanging out with one of the most irritating chauvinistic pig ever, the kind where he has to have the last say, and his ways are better than yours kind. So i was terrified that i would feel all beaten up like i always do. He was insulting, and mean as usual. But this time, i didn't even bother to say anything back to him. Because you know why? its such a waste of time. And guess what, in the process of being mean to others, he managed to put his girlfriend down numerous time. I felt so much pain for her. I stood up for her a few times, but i could see that every time he tried to insult somebody, she ended up being insulted as well, but he quickly did something to comfort her feelings. Just heart breaking....
Why in the world is she stuck with a guy, who needs to brag and insult people in order to feel that he is better than others? That was the ultimate revenge.

So was i glad? Not really. I felt awful... because i first felt great that he made such a blunder.
But then again. What could i have done? I guess i did good this time.
And i hope i carry on being more gentle as i age, and for the rest of my life.

Isn't life amusing sometimes?

My eyes are a little heavy. Good night peeps. =)

Future of mine.

Today my lecturer offered us jobs. Saying that all we have to do, is just hand in our resumes and he will try to help us. For a moment i thought i could be happy. Then he has to spoil it all by saying.
Just make sure your CGPA is high enough......
My heart just skipped TEN BEATS. Enough already with the qualifications.
Everyone is so up the butt with that. EVEN ME.

I don't score well in exams, i don't know why. Maybe because i don't have passion for this course that i picked.
I don't regret it, because doing this bloody hard course makes me dig deeper into my life.
So do i really want to work as an investment banker? Or totally as an actuary?

Or am i going to be one of those, who has an actuarial science degree but takes photographs, paints and wears my thoughts through my clothes. Hmmm.. i guess i won't know it now, but i hope soon.
Maybe i should just serve tables... what a waste of talent and brains.

So my friend said to me, " You've worked before in banks and retail outlets. I am sure your experience will surpass the need for a high CGPA score. Faring well in education sector is not everything you know"
For a moment it made me feel good. But when i got home, i googled!! and to be in the investment sector, you do need to be smart, quick, heartless and smart again!!! =S

What is mine, will be mine. What is not mine, will not even cross my path.

=)

After my busy and tiring week at uni, i had a little getaway @ Bukit Tinggi.

Bukit Tinggi is just over an hour's drive from Kuala Lumpur City centre and lies some 2,500 feet above sea level. Colmar Tropicale, located in Bukit Tinggi, Pahang, is a replica of a collection of buildings from a north-eastern village in France dating back to the 16th Century. Pretty Pretty..

By the time we reach Bukit Tinggi, it was almost evening, i didn't have the chance to snap away as it was getting dark. If you're going for a holiday in groups, it would be more fulfilling, there is nothing much to be done there. 

But it was fulfilling for me because i just needed a break.

Dinner !! Pizza was awesome =)

        
                                        View from a tower at night. Beautiful lights!! =)

Day light view.

Just a few random snaps of the place.

                                                                             

                                                            Entrance of Colmar Tropicale.

There's a beautiful small pond, in the garden.
There're black and white swans, but the white swans
are far more interesting =) because they thought
my hands are some kind of edible food?

On our way up to the Japanese Tea House.

It was getting a little chill. (3500 feet above sea level)

However it made our little climb, a little more comfortable. =)

Look!!! No sky scrapers!! 

On the way up to the Japanese Tea House.

There were many types of trees, and 

many beautiful colorful birds too!! 

(I don't get to see birds very often in the city)

And of course the was a large pond filled with colorful koi fishes.

We had a little fun taking pictures with the Japanese traditional attire(Kimono)

We we so busy taking pictures of ourselves in the attire we totally forgot to snap

our surrounding.. =P.

After that, we headed to the Japanese botanical garden.

We were kinda tired so, not many pictures were taken there.

Last night of my getaway!!

I had lotsa fun, not really fun... cause there's nothing much to do, and it is very small. But its was quiet and slow. Exactly what i needed. However, it is not a place for a long vacation. =)

Getaway!! =D

more to come...

Frustrating.

Hey peeps, wassup!!!

I haven't been able to rest properly since my last paper ended. Simply because my body is cranky and its going haywire. That's exactly what i feel today too..

I went to the gym, someone was supposed to be in there already, but when i went there. No one was inside and that particular person.. might have finished and locked up. So, i really wanna use the gym ok.. And i am super tight for time, i have exactly 30 minutes for a quick run before i start my day.. Normally i would go to the gym during evening or at night.. And i know today i won't make it through the day as well because my body is tired..

So there you go. Frustration. Don't like it. But there are people in this world ... who adds to it.
AArrrrggggghhhhh. Sleep deprived, and frustration. I will bark. And Bite. Today.
hhahahahahhahaha

Nostalgic

Ever had that feeling when you listen to a certain song, or smell a particular scent..
which brings you back to the past.. like 10 years ago...

This is the song my dad use to listen to... and i just came across it..

Life In uni,

The past week was just crazy. Exposures, loss models, gamma, alpha, beta, poisson, geometri... of UDD and de Moivre's Law, constand force of mortality, common shock, one life dies, another lives..
and there's anomalies, T-bills, Repurchase Agreements, and the expectation theory and the preferred habitat theory and so much more.

I am pretty glad that week is so over. But i wished i had more time, to study and master questions so i could have gotten high marks. But its all past, so just get over with it right. I still have one more last test on Monday though.

Today, is one of the days i feel empty but i don't do anything. I don't shop ( God know how long i have been in my room studying for all my test and assignments - i think its been about 3 weeks. )
So i tried sleeping.. if you don't know by now.. i have a serious sleeping problem.I lay there just tossing and turning - i am so exhausted but i just can't get the sleep. My body has been over working.. and most probably in shocked mode.. With sleep less than 5 hours a day, and classes, and test, and assignments, and all the reading...
I wonder how i survived.. aren't we all awesome, our body can go through so much like its nothing.. and i totally have to thank God for this awesome creation- my body.

Today i feel so lonely and empty. Maybe its because i haven't been going out to see the world.
I'm just here, in my room, being best friends with my book when the reality is that we're sworn enemies(periodically, not all the time). Only when i am stressed,we're enemies.

So i took a long bath, and tried studying. My head is really hurts, and nothing seems to be entering.
Now is the time i need some tender loving care.
So i think i am going to paint. =)