The saddest thing, is when you are not capable of feeling any emotions.
I wished i wasn't feeling this way, i wished i was feeling all jumpy, excited and happy to correct my mistake. Not exactly a mistake.Shit just happens. I am so numb, i don't know what to do. Some days i feel like screaming, i feel like banging the walls, just to release the anger and frustration.... to ruin something. So that i can see something ruin, other than my heart.
Yes, i am laughing, but it is not the laugh you think i am letting out. I wished i am here now, present but i am so distant - away to my own place.
All i can think about is what is going to happen, are we going to make it, if yes, can i truly laugh again with you. Can i feel joy with you, are you going to be enough. If things really take for a better turn, will our past be dragged along and are we going to battle with our demons everytime the going gets tough.
Yesterday i lay at night, i close my eyes and all i see is our past - out present seems grey and the future is ... something i dare not think about.
People keep telling me it's ok, it's ok. It's not freaking ok - don't you just hate it when people use that phrase to try to comfort you, but it just makes you feel sillier because you know it's not going to be ok.
But i can't blame them, that's all what they can say.
All the laughters, all the joy, all the jittery feelings, all the bear hugs and .... just memories. Sometimes love is just ain't enough huh... Time will definitely tell, but that is the problem i can't wait. I want to know now so i can be prepared. I hate it when i see things only in black and white when clearly we are in a grey area.
It is a bad bad time for me, i can't even find joy from the new sexy dress i just bought. All i want is for God to come help me deal with this, carry all my worries and sadness, better yet - carry me through it all.
Because it is a cold, and quiet night. and i need some loving.
I really want someone to scoop me up and take me away. Give me something i deserve. No matter how hard i try wishing, the fact remains that no one will be there at the door for me.
Happy Wednesday to all of you. =) Don't worry i dug hard and still found some love for all of you out there. Have a great day/night. I'm just going to be sad for a while and let it go.
I wished i wasn't feeling this way, i wished i was feeling all jumpy, excited and happy to correct my mistake. Not exactly a mistake.Shit just happens. I am so numb, i don't know what to do. Some days i feel like screaming, i feel like banging the walls, just to release the anger and frustration.... to ruin something. So that i can see something ruin, other than my heart.
Yes, i am laughing, but it is not the laugh you think i am letting out. I wished i am here now, present but i am so distant - away to my own place.
All i can think about is what is going to happen, are we going to make it, if yes, can i truly laugh again with you. Can i feel joy with you, are you going to be enough. If things really take for a better turn, will our past be dragged along and are we going to battle with our demons everytime the going gets tough.
Yesterday i lay at night, i close my eyes and all i see is our past - out present seems grey and the future is ... something i dare not think about.
People keep telling me it's ok, it's ok. It's not freaking ok - don't you just hate it when people use that phrase to try to comfort you, but it just makes you feel sillier because you know it's not going to be ok.
But i can't blame them, that's all what they can say.
All the laughters, all the joy, all the jittery feelings, all the bear hugs and .... just memories. Sometimes love is just ain't enough huh... Time will definitely tell, but that is the problem i can't wait. I want to know now so i can be prepared. I hate it when i see things only in black and white when clearly we are in a grey area.
It is a bad bad time for me, i can't even find joy from the new sexy dress i just bought. All i want is for God to come help me deal with this, carry all my worries and sadness, better yet - carry me through it all.
Because it is a cold, and quiet night. and i need some loving.
I really want someone to scoop me up and take me away. Give me something i deserve. No matter how hard i try wishing, the fact remains that no one will be there at the door for me.
Happy Wednesday to all of you. =) Don't worry i dug hard and still found some love for all of you out there. Have a great day/night. I'm just going to be sad for a while and let it go.
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